The line of cars inched forward, moving me closer to the perimeter fence and the guards. A once-over of the car, and then straight west. I tapped my hand on the steering wheel reflexively, nervously. It used to drive Steph nuts. She’d grab my hand and just hold it and smile. Whether that was her way of calming me down or my way of checking whether she was still with me, it always felt nice. I remind myself that it did, anyway. Too often I just get lost in…

The last time. I just stare at her. She has this smile on her face, but it’s somehow sad. I’m holding back tears, myself, now. She squeezes my hand three times — I. Love. You. Her smile fades a bit. Her hand goes limp. She stares off, over my shoulder. I think I hear her calling my name. Holliston. Holliston. It gets louder and the world rushes into this final moment. The gun fire hits closer. I can’t lose this. The smoke is making me cough. HOLLISTON! HOLLISTON! I look up at Stanford. LET HER GO, he says. SHE’S GONE. I NEED YOU TO PULL IT TOGETHER SOLDIER! SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON!

I was shaken suddenly by the guard banging on the roof of the car. “You’re good to go. Get some sleep. Looks like you need it.”

I thanked him and turned left and drove.